Category: Motivate

Dear Best Friends

Dear best friends of a sad person,

As I sit here typing this, I’m trying to think of the words to say to you. I want to say thank you. Sad people need people to stick around. Sad people need friends more than anyone can know. I want to say on behalf of sad people everywhere you are a blessing.

As a friend of a sad person, you may not know a few things. Everyone grieves differently, but we still need you. We may not reach out to you to console us, but we want you to. We cherish those texts you send us to perk us up. We may roll our eyes at your perky attempts to get us out of the house, but we secretly are saying, “Thank you.”

You may not know this, but you’re a godsend. You keeping us occupied and making us laugh, keeps us sane. If not for you, we’d be lonely and contemplating what we mean to people. You make us do things we really don’t want to do like, go to the gym, stop texting that guy, go to work, put make up on. YOU are the reason we keep going. You are the feet to our legs. You keep us grounded and make us move.

So, Thank you for pushing us. Don’t stop coming around. Don’t stop sending goofy pictures of yourself to make us laugh. Don’t stop pulling us out of bed. Don’t stop keeping us going. You are so much of the reason we make it through, and without you the world would be sadder.

Best friends are underappreciated, so thank you. Thank you for being your spunky, sassy, and persistent self. You make the world less crappy. Best friends are needed, so make us take goofy pictures together. Make us go to the gym with you. Make us realize we deserve better. Make us realize that the world is much more than our sadness.

 

Without you, the world would be lonely and less funny. Don’t change. Don’t go. Just stay, and be you.

 

Sincerely,

 

The sad bestie

 

Photo credit Pexels.com

 

Get up

Today, I am better than yesterday. Nothing in particular happened today, so far, but I slept last night.

This post is to motivate. Again, this is not a personal journal, but rather a collection of my thoughts, and dare I say wisdom; my hope is to reach the people who have been the mistress or the male version of a mistress of death.

If you’ve lost then you know how bad it sucks. It’s very much like someone punched through your sternum and pulled out your beating heart, might I add, with no anesthesia or pain meds. You can’t truly medicate the pain away.

My face is pretty broke out on my chin, my hair, well it’s a mop, I look sloppy, my right eye is teary, but I don’t care. The reason, much like my ugly post, is this, survival. Today I’m not feeling the pretty thing, at least right now I’m not.

Yesterday was a bad day. Today is better, but I still feel the pain of yesterday all throughout myself today.

This isn’t about my looks today, but rather my spirit, and yours.

It’s 6 months out from being 3 years since I’ve lost my son. I am fairing a lot better today than I was even a year ago, but I still have some crap days. If you are on this journey, then you absolutely know that the bad days are almost impossible to survive, but I’m here to tell you, you can do it!

This post is a motivational snack. Remember to breathe, look at a cute puppy, cry, breathe again, make yourself get out of bed, do something you like, and remind yourself that even though you’re having a sucky day, you can kick ass and take names.

You are tough. You are smart. You are amazing. Finally, you are inspiring.

Get up.

Love yourself.

Keep getting up.

Nicole.

Bucket List Series: Part one

What would you do to kill the bleak hole burning inside of you?

What would you be willing to pursue to find yourself again?

Who are you willing to become?

You don’t like the same things.

You roll your eyes at the people who you used to relate to most.

You’re lost.

You’re someone new.

You want a new direction.

You just don’t know where to go.

 

 

This is called growth. The person you were when you endured your loss is probably dead. You are now a lump of clay ready to be remolded into something wildly new and spectacular. You now have a wisdom that many others don’t. “Normal people” don’t have this close connection to the looming reality that is death. You probably have a deep appreciation for just how fragile and brief life is.

 

If you’re still nodding in agreement, then I just want to say,”ME TOO.”

I died the moment my son died. My soul felt gone. My sense of self was obliterated. I was a shell. If you’re a shell too, then keep reading.

What finally fulfilled me? What finally clicked? How long did it take? When did it finally make sense?

I FINALLY felt a sense of fulfillment when I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself I was going to follow through with my plans. Come hell or high water, I was going to impact others.

I really don’t remember the moment I decided I was going to go into Social Work, blog, and counsel, but I remember how I felt when it finally clicked. I was sitting on the bed, in front of my laptop, researching career choices; A monumental weight lifted off of my sternum and I could breathe. I realized it was time to take life by the reins again.

This was a HUGE step in realizing that I had to start working on my goals again, and from goals came my bucket list.

I was starved for content ideas, when last week I got giddy and started getting beyond excited! How do I engage my readers? By showing, not just telling my experiences. I wanted to inspire others like me to dust their butts off and get excited about life again.

Yes, loss is an enormous black hole, but it doesn’t mean you have to give yourself up forever. You can experience loss, and find your path, direction, and whole self again.

It’s possible.

It’s exciting.

It’s fun.

Join me in a journey to fulfill my list, and I encourage you to create a list of your own, and do it! I want you to feel a thirst for life again. I want you to begin living again. I don’t want you to forget the person you lost, but I want you to live like you know how fragile life is. I want you to have no regrets. I also want you to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Stay tuned for the first installment of “The Bucket List Series from Atoughmom”

 

Love Y’all,

 

Nicole

19 Celebrities that Endured Child loss and STILL Succeeded at Life

I got to thinking about it, and wondered what celebrities were really just like me. Was it possible to rise from the ashes and truly keep on being successful? Apparently the answer is yes. After I did some research, I found AT LEAST 19 celebrities who have either suffered a child loss through miscarriage, suicide, health conditions, children as young as infancy, and children up to middle adulthood.A loss of a child is a loss of a child. You see the light in the life you created and no matter how long that light lasted, it was still there. Child loss is traumatic for anyone, and the point of this post isn’t to just parade these celebrities personal loss and trauma around, but to inspire you. If you can step outside of your self doubt and confusion for one tiny moment and look at this list of miraculously successful men and women, my hope would be to show you that these humans got through it. They, I’m sure struggled just like you and I. This list is to show you that these people are amazing to even be still breathing, and yet here they are still pretty darn relevant. I want you to take a deep breath and realize they have flesh and blood just like you, they have careers they made work, and they became or sustained their success. You can struggle through loss and even become a success at your life, if you want. It’s all up to you, but it’s possible, and these 19 people prove it.

  1. John Travolta – John Travolta and Kelly Preston go together on this one, but they are both their own people and should be treated as such. John Travolta and Kelly Preston lost their son, Jett, in 2009. He was 16 and suffered from complications from a severe seizure. Travolta is currently still putting out movies.
  2.  Kelly Preston – “Nobody should have to lose a child. It’s unfathomable, but I’m here to say that you can get through it. You can live again. You can want to live again.” are the words that Kelly Preston gave to Lifetime in an interview in 2012. Preston’s IMDb states that since 2010, The Life and Death of John Gotti (2017) is the first movie she’s been in. (I will be going to see this by the way because I love anything mob related and I mean it’s Kelly Preston)
  3. Mike Tyson – 2009 seems to be a horrible year for a lot of people; Mike Tyson lost his 4 year old daughter due to a cord on a treadmill becoming wrapped around her neck. In an interview with Ellen Degeneres, he states in 2011 he’d been two years sober. I make the connection from 2009 and his daughter being the catalyst for his turnaround, but that’s my speculation.
  4. Eric Clapton – On March 20,1991, Eric Clapton’s 4 year old son, Connor, fell  53 floors from his mother’s apartment building. He went on to write “Tears in Heaven” as a tribute to his son and the pain he felt through his loss.
  5. Dr. Dre – People magazine stated Andre Young Jr. passed away from a drug overdose mixture at the age of twenty. Not much else is found on the topic.
  6. Pierce Brosnan – Pierce Brosnan lost both his first wife and daughter to ovarian cancer 22 years apart. He’s given a few interviews, but not much else is disclosed. He is still actively acting in movies.
  7. Sylvester Stallone – Sage Stallone, 36, passed in 2012 due to heart disease; more accurately put atherosclerotic coronary artery disease. (this one hit me in the gut. I hate heart disease)
  8. President John F. Kennedy – August 7, 1963, Patrick Kennedy was born 5.5 weeks premature. He was 4 pounds and 10.5 ounces, but immediately after birth he started having respiratory issues. Respiratory Distress Syndrome, ultimately was the cause of Patrick’s passing just 39 hours after birth.
  9. Vince Neil – Motley Crue’s Vince Neil, lost his 4 year old daughter to stomach cancer. (I keep seeing 4 years old and it’s breaking my heart.) In an interview with Rock Entertainment TV he states that, “I would pretty much try to kill myself with pills and alcohol, I would just disappear for months at a time, in and out of rehab, and then I finally pulled it together and I told myself I had to do something in her name to keep her name and memory alive, so I started the foundation.”
  10. Adrian Peterson – The running back for the Minnesota Vikings lost his 2 year old son to abuse by the child’s mother’s boy friend. He has been charged with aggravated assault on an infant.
  11. Marie Osmond – “You cry until then you can’t cry, and then you cry some more,’ the 53-year-old singer says in her new book The Key Is Love.” States Daily Mail. Marie Osmond lost her son, Michael, to suicide. In 2010, Michael (18) jumped from his college dorm room balcony. The way she and her daughter Rachael were told was by the guard in the hotel they were staying at, he stated the coroner was on his way to speak to them. Michael was adopted, but loved as her own biological child, so the shock was the same nonetheless.
  12. President Abraham Lincoln – At just 11 years old, Willie Lincoln, passed away due to Typhoid fever from contaminated water on February 24, 1862.
  13. Juvenile – Juvenile’s 4 year old daughter Jelani was shot twice in the chest by her half brother Anthony Tyrone Terrell (19). The boy fought with his mother, Joy Deleston, and ended up shooting her, Jelani, and another half sister who was 11 years old, Micaiah. He was sentenced to two life sentences.
  14. Usher – On July 6, 2012 Usher’s step-son Kile, passed away from injuries he sustained by a blow to the head from a jet ski while he was on an inner tube.
  15. Beyonce – Around the year 2011, Beyonce and Jay Z suffered a miscarriage before Blue Ivy Carter was born. She stated that how she coped was through her music, and she is still on top musically.
  16. Pink – Pink suffered a miscarriage, she told Ellen during an interview, but little else was said.
  17. Gwyneth Paltrow – Gwyneth Paltrow, during an interview, opened up about a miscarriage after having her second child. She told You magazine that she misses the idea of having a third child. The miscarriage almost claimed her life as well.
  18. Nicole Kidman – Before Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise adopted their first child, Bella, they too suffered a miscarriage. She spoke little on the topic with People Magazine.
  19. Kirstie Alley – In 1990, when just three months along, Kirstie Alley miscarried her only biological child. She told People that was the start of her weight gain and that she really couldn’t get over it, but since then she has adopted two children and she is still acting today.

I’m not going to lie, this is one of the hardest posts I’ve had to write. I didn’t think this would affect me like it did, but doing the research on this post made me really empathize. I know that my small blog probably will never reach any of these people, but I hope they know I shed tears ( a lot actually) writing this. No one should ever have to know this pain, and even though you’re famous, you’re still people. I hope if this ever reaches any of you, you know how amazing you truly are because losing a child is unbearable and you all are tough. I am sorry for all of your losses, and know through this post you’ve earned a real place in my heart, not as someone famous, but as a survivor. I’m grateful I did this post because it really shed light on the fact that I’m not alone. It’s a horrible thing we have in common, but I see you fighting your way through this and I hope this inspires others to do the same. For the readers who aren’t on this list, I hope you realize that survival and life achievement is possible because there are examples proving over again that no matter what tragedy you go through, you CAN make it through this!

 

Love,

 

Nicole