You’re on the brink of a mental breakdown because it’s happened. People said it wouldn’t, but of course it did. They promised you wouldn’t have to go through this alone, but in all reality you do. Loss isn’t a road trip with your besties, top down, hair blowing in the wind, and music up loud during a summer day. Loss is a long train ride alone in the dark whilst you wait. Wait for what? Exactly. You don’t know what you’re waiting for, but you’re waiting for something; anything.
Loss isn’t a road trip with your besties, top down, hair blowing in the wind, and the music up loud during a summer day.
One of the worst things about the journey off loss is that inevitably you change, you grow twisted and bent, but you grow, and you grow apart from the people who you were closest to. You see it happening before your eyes, but you cannot change it. You might reach out, but if you beg for them to stay beside you then you run the risk of pushing them further away. I’ve learned recently, that the people closest to you before your journey are more than likely going to fall back after your loss. Why? I truly cannot explain why they go, but they do. Maybe they don’t want to make it worse. Maybe we can’t relate to them anymore so we become unapproachable to them. Maybe they were who we needed at that moment and then they weren’t anymore. We could maybe for hours, but it won’t change the fact that they left. Say it with me, “They left, but it’s okay.” How is it okay? Look at it this way, people part ways all of the time and some reconnect, and some don’t. You cannot hold someone hostage. All this would do is cause harm to you internally. You have to find it within yourself to accept the loss of this person and then move on. It might be a long walk through brimstone and fire, but if you can learn to accept that person chose to stop your relationship and actually move on then you’re on the way to fully letting go and really healing.
Letting go, two simple words with such impact. You have to realize that they are no longer a viable option when you need to cry something out. You have to realize they will no longer accept invitations to hang out together. You have to realize they might replace or even eradicate you from their life. They may sometimes say a quick something in passing, but really not want to reconnect. All of this you have to learn to accept, otherwise you’re torturing yourself and searching for answers. They either can’t deal with being around you or don’t want to. Set your mind straight and allow yourself the dignity to stop contacting them, stop asking them to hang out, don’t invite them, and allow yourself to find peace in moving on. Maybe one day you two can reconcile, but today you need to focus on you. Focus on mending your heart after the loss of someone who was there for you when you were dealing with loss yourself. Focus on moving forward and searching for new friends who can help you find the light in your new new normal. Allow yourself to feel the breakup, but also allow yourself to walk forward in grace. Losing one or multiple people during the grief cycle is a tremendous blow to your already broken heart, but it comes with the territory of tragic loss. Not everyone will stay, and not everyone will go, but for the ones who did bow out, love them for who they were when they were who you needed and gracefully walk with your head held high. You are going to make it through this storm like you made it through the others.