I am Ugly and Don’t Care and The Reason You Shouldn’t Either

 

I know you’re either thinking two things, one is oh she’s fishing for compliments because people who post negative things are hoping others will come to their defense, or two, why does she want others to think she thinks herself as ugly? Stay with me for a sec. No, I’m not fishing for compliments. When I say I’m ugly I don’t mean I don’t have pretty days. I mean that traditional beauty standards say women should look a certain way, appealing. I, most days, do not look like the beauty standards. I look like a tired, needs to be retired, broken old mop. I, some days, look like a goddess. (I don’t care if you agree because somedays I think of myself as a goddess) All depending on the day at hand you might get a moldy old mop or a very pretty woman. This is the reason I don’t stress over meticulously placed hair and the reason you shouldn’t either

 

 

Sometimes this is good enough

 

I’ve always, ever-since I was little, battled with depression. Honestly, my kidhood sucked and I really mean sucked. I have chronic depression. Funny thing about depression is unless you look really hard, you cannot see the shadow hovering over the affected person. Being a chronically depressed human, it’s hard for me to even get out of the bed some days, let-alone worry about spending twenty minutes to turn my frizzed-out hair into the straight sleek goddess-like locks that society says is acceptable. I look into the mirror and see the bags hanging from the bottom of my eyes and the right eyebrow looks like it was out too late partying while my left eyebrow looks like a sophisticated woman in her 30s. I’m still in the clothes I wore the day before and I am either starving or not hungry at all. I look in the mirror and today I’m ugly. Today I fed my child, took the dog out, managed to make sure I put cartoons on for the kid and started the washer. The house is a mess today and I’m sloppy, but I don’t care. If you look in the mirror and see you have a zit on the bottom of your jaw (me) and notice your hair is still in the bun it was in the day before (also me), say this with me, “I DON’T GIVE A SHEET!” I’m ugly and I don’t care. Why? You ask. I have dealt with so much in my life that if someone gets butthurt that I don’t fit into what society says is attractive, I’ll laugh in their face. I’m not saying that appearance doesn’t matter because unfortunately it accounts for a lot in the first impression department, especially in interviews. Don’t go looking sloppy in an interview. You’ve gotta know when you have to pull yourself together, but for the most part you should give yourself permission to be ugly. You don’t have to have it together all of the time. It’s okay to wear pajamas all day if you haven’t the energy to figure out what to wear. Don’t go to a wedding in a stained up T-shirt and baggy sweats, but if it’s a bad day and you don’t give a crap then let yourself not give a crap. What is it going to hurt? If the world ends because you walked around all day with one sock on and one sock off then you can write me and tell me all about how I was wrong, but seriously it’s okay. I seriously have no desire to dress up for anyone aside for my husband or nice events. I dress up when I feel like it. In college and up until my son died I wore flawless makeup every day unless it was an off day. Now, within a months’ time, you may catch me in an eyeliner and mascara combo 3ish times. Honestly, if other people judge you then they have way too much time on their hands. I think moms are superheroes in their own right and the ones who have battlescars like me are beyond supernatural. If someone judges you on how you look then they aren’t worth knowing anyways. As for me, I’m going to enjoy my ugly five minute routine until I decide to look like a goddess again. Yes I know depression is a big deal and depression has a lot to do with not caring about looks, so I shouldn’t be proud yada yada yada…I have something to say about this. If a depressed person gets out of bed and is a somewhat productive member of society who cares if they put crayon on their face. They beat the monster today, that’s what matters. So be proud you got out of bed. You kicked ass today. Who cares if you’re sloppy or sexy because you’re a beast.

Much love,

 

Nicole

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