The ultimate guide to getting back into the world after losing a child
After the loss of my son, I curled up into a ball and didn’t want to come out from underneath the covers. I wanted to close my eyes and for there to be an abyss of nothingness surrounding me, but I am not rich, nor is my husband, so I had to go back to work. I changed jobs four times in one year, because I was lost. I tried to be who I used to be, but the shock of loss and grief had changed me. I couldn’t pretend to care about the petty problems others were facing, or how others perceived me as being unfriendly, or chatting about how something so awesome was happening in my life. I just buried my son. How in the hell could I relate to these people who were going on as life had not just stopped?
Truth be told, life didn’t stop; and life still keeps going and going and going. It sucks. I have to be a shark. I have to fight every humanly instinct inside my body telling me to become a human burrito….Why? Because you can’t be a comfortable burrito on the streets while your family is starving, and I sense if you’re reading this then you care about your family, so you too have to fight. A quote I love from a show I love is “You can’t be a shark if you’re toothless.” – Pretty Little Liars. It’s true. I had to grow some big shark teeth and bite my way back into life. I started with realizing it was ok to not be ok and get whatever help I needed to get to function. I then realized to become the person I wanted to be I’d need to sit down and make some realistic goals for myself. I set my mind to a specific goal and fought tooth and nail to meet that goal.
I still have days where I can barely function to be honest. I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy or that there is a specific way to do things. I fumble around a lot in the dark trying to pick the pieces of my life back up, and so far, it seems to be working a little at a time. My advice is to give yourself healing time, but be prepared to come back kicking and punching because survival of the fittest is no joke in this world. You will come against unkind and uncaring people about your loss, and many will expect you to “get over it” after a while of hearing about your loss. It’s an awful truth I’ve been faced with many times. I have realized not everyone will tenderly understand if you miss work because you can’t crawl out of bed, bills won’t stop coming, and the hurt doesn’t stop. You have to make a choice. It’s a hard choice. Are you going to survive this? What’s my ultimate guide to getting back into the world after losing a child? There isn’t one. It’s your drive, your emotion, your family, yours and their needs, and your faith of survival that will get you back on your feet. You are your own guide to getting out of this. Feel the soul crushing hurt, feel the insane drive to stay afloat, feel the anger, feel everything, but don’t give up. You went through something horrendous and it will always be horrendous, but if you want to make it back to the land of the almost living then you can. I have faith in you.